True to form, the local natural food store had candles in stock. We scooped up four--one for each of our ears--and headed home for some good old fashion ear cleaning.
Serena went first:
I went second:
Our candles ended up "removing" exactly the same amount of wax. Everyone knows that Serena has waxier ears that I, so that signaled the first alarm (or second considering The Internet said it was bunk). The third candle was sacrificed in the name of science. We burned it propped on a ceramic plate to see how much, if any, wax it could extract from the plate. Sure enough there was exactly the same amount of wax "removed" from the plate as was "removed" from our ears.
It doesn't even feel good.
Ear candling=fraud.
I feel like a MythBuster.